10-11-2001 | 2:55 a.m.

I am in control. I can take Xanax without overdosing. I will not need detox again. I wasn't an addict. Stress and anxiety. But I won't start taking more than I should. And dammit, I can drink. Socially. You know, a few Absolut shots at the bar. It's okay. Damn you AA - cult in disguise. Making me feel like I had a problem. I never wanted to go to your stupid meetings. But I was forced, so I could leave the hospital. Leave me alone. Stop trying to recruit me again.

Ahhhh, feels good to vent.

I watched my brother and sister again tonight. Mom and Step-Dad have gone out the past few nights. She gets all psyched and asks me to stay with the kids. Then when she comes home, I ask if she had a good time. "Well...it was okay, I guess." She is never satisfied. Always wants more. She should appreciate what she has. Who she has.

So...I let my sister stay up an extra half hour so she could watch Dawson's Creek. Is Dawson's head too big for his body? He looks like one of those bobbing head figure thingies.

I haven't been watching much TV lately, but that changes tomorrow night. New Survivor episodes! Jeff Probst is smarmy goodness. Love those khaki shorts.