1-22-2001 | 1:00 AM

The other day my 11 year old brother was asking me about "Mulder" on the X-Files. I watch for Krycek, he watches for the creepiness factor.
Patrick: "I miss Mulder. Wasn't he adopted by aliens?"
Me (holding in laughter): "Yep. But he's very happy with his new alien parents."
Patrick: "Huh?"

Little brother had meant to say "abducted" not "adopted" and once I explained it to him we both fell on the floor laughing. Man, I wish aliens would adopt me.

So. What have I been up to? Ditching my psychologist. I have an 'intake' appointment with a new therapist on Tuesday. Our phone conversation has me hopeful. She said that her goal in therapy is to eventually have her patients off of all psychiatric medications. Althought the process could be painful. Dealing with all those suppressed memories and stuff. I'm hopeful because every other psychologist and psychiatrist I've seen has been quick to load me full of pills. I won't be seeing an actual psych doc. The new therapist would work with my medical doctor to work with the meds and help wean me off them when the time is right. But there's one problem. My medical doctor will give me any script I ask for. My psychiatrist would not give me anything 'addictive'. So.....it'd be pretty damn easy to get some Valium or Ativan. Could I tell him that I have 'substance abuse' issues? Sure. Will I? Don't think so. Because the anxiety and urges have been a bitch.

There's that other urge. To take off. When my stability is nil I usually run. Stay with different friends in different states for weeks or months. I must stay grounded. My siblings need me. And yet their parents really need to be more responsible. I am enabling in a way. But, I need to learn to stay and deal instead of bolt and hide.

And hey this "Diary Survivor 2" contest is helping. Because wouldn't that suck if I took off in the middle of the contest - leaving everyone hanging? I won't dissapoint the lovely contestants like that. I promise. So I will stay put for a while.

And I must say I was truly giddy when my obsession, Robert Downey Jr., picked up a Golden Globe tonight. Much deserved. What I wouldn't do for that boy....

Note: This entry has not been put through a spell or grammer checker. Errors be damned. I can barely get the thoughts out. I refuse to "check my work."

*smooch*
Meg