12-02-2002 | 9:59 p.m.

Phew, back from my anger management class. I'm not going to apologize for my last entry. However, I'm fine. Didn't freak out. Just needed to vent.

I love everyone. Everything between us is cool again.

I met my nephew! He is so cute. Sometimes infants' heads are shaped weird. Not little Georgie. Perfect. I'm not being biased. I was nervous holding the baby of course.

At that stage, I feel like I might drop the baby, which is why I haven't held one since my sister was born. You know how people are: "Hold the baby!" I always say, "No thanks."

So I held my nephew. He didn't break. I fed him. Passed on changing his diaper. My Mom was hogging the baby. She was starting to annoy me. Especially when she said, "I want more grandchildren now!" and looked at me. I said, "Um, no way." So greedy.

Thanksgiving dinner with my Dad's side of the family was interesting. I did recall the one thing I hated about my Grandma's cooking - onions in the mashed potatoes. Ewwww. Where did she get that idea anyway? The rest of the food was amazing. My uncle filled my plate and then when I couldn't finish everything, Grandma said, "You don't eat enough. Too skinny!" She tried to send me home with turkey sandwiches. Told you so.

Unfortunately my Xanax tolerance level has increased, which means it isn't helping me fall asleep as well. Thus, me being awake at 3:00am, freaking out. No, not freaking out, just venting. Taking more than I'm "prescribed" means I'll run out sooner. I don't want to be running to other docs for more pills. It'll be like Valley of the Dolls again.

Maybe drinking on top of the Xanax isn't a good idea. I'm working on that. Not 12 stepping it or anything. I puked enough on Sunday to make me want to stop for a while. bleh. I remember when my Dad got to that AA step where you have to apologize to people. I would never do that! Not in an organized cult way.

I haven't lost my mind. That is what I'm trying to get across. I was a little angry, yes I do feel that way sometimes, and vented.