12-02-2002 | 2:28 a.m.

Am I ever going to get sober? No. So if you're tiring of my drunken/drugged up self, then don't read.

What I say here may or may not refer to any specific person. I won't link names and diaries like a whore.

Fuck you with your little 'clix' and diary reviews. Begging for more attention. Have fun linking my diary about the stupid Diary Survivor contest, bitching about how I am "ineffectual" and "absent." People obsessing about that crap need some serious psychiatric help. Ranting in your diary and creating conspiracies. Okay Mulder.

Fuck you for pretending to be all sweet and friendly, all the while writing your manifesto - which is basically boring shit that everyone has said to you privately. Paint me any way you want - or have I painted myself? Don't care. I'm co-hosting a little contest. You didn't need to "befriend" me - obviously it hasn't gotten you or any of the other contestants further in the game.

I won't censor what people say on the DS blogs. Get over it.

I almost admitted myself into a detox instead of spending Thanksgiving with my family. Who gives a shit? I'm not looking for your sympathy. I won't cry to my "cronies." Will I "ever get sober?" It doesn't matter. When this fucking kills me, just like my grandfather, you can have a pity party in my honor. Oh how tragic!

I'm not going to defend my actions, online or off. I don't have to explain myself or tell my "side" of any story.

I can get pissed off here. I'm not all sweet and light. I'm not a martyr. I'm not responsible for what others say. I'm not a mother. I'm not a fucking robot. Human. I make mistakes. Can you grasp that?

I'm not going to freak out and password my diary. No more deleting stuff to appease people. No more cliques/rings. I don't post my wishlists, hoping people will buy me crap. You can still bitch me out in the guestbook. Have fun!

This isn't an attack on everyone. The people who have treated me like a real person, you know who you are. Thanks.

This is a general rant. Oh my, what if people take this personally? Go create a hate club. Post this anywhere you want. Dissect it. Analyze it. Good luck!