6-18-2002 | 2:05 a.m.

Did you really think I would stop writing?

I am completely off the Celexa. Anti-depressant free for the first time in 2 years. And let me tell you, it's weird. Everything is louder and brighter. Not sleeping much. I don't feel like one of those chicks from "The Stepford Wives" anymore. Which means that I have all these emotions flying out. I feel real again. It's kind of scary though.

I let someone hug me for the first time in over 6 months. Contrary to popular belief, I don't shatter.

When the date of Eddie's suicide hit, I cried. And I actually talked about it. I let myself be angry with him as well.

I baked cookies with my sister. Bonus: didn't burn the kitchen down.

I took a walk in the rain.

I called my Dad on Sunday and said, "I love you."

I looked in a mirror and didn't freak out. Although I was like, "Who the fuck is that?"

Alright so it's not like "Oh my Jeff Probst, I'm cured! I'm alive again!" - but I think I made the right choice. Why should I let people force me to take meds that alter my personality? They've only held me down for their profit.

Next up - maybe a detox off the Xanax. Maybe the real Meg isn't that bad after all?

So yeah, this is a major adjustment time. I'm sure my moods will fluctuate like crazy until the Celexa is completely out of my system. Even then, I'm sure I'll have rough nights. I think I can do this though.

And yeah, my Diary Survivor 3 'tell all' entry is in the works.