2-7-2001 | 1:00 AM

Saw the doctor again today - for ummm 'mental health' purposes. I'm supposed to start a new med tonight, whenever I feel able to sleep. Doxepin - go ahead click on the drug name. Look at what this drug is treatment for. What relates to me?

- Depression and/or anxiety associated with alcoholism (not to be taken concomitantly with alcohol).
- Psychotic depressive disorders with associated anxiety including involutional depression and manic-depressive disorders.

So I can't drink on this med. Or I'll get really sick. Oooo I'm scared. And there we go with the damn psychotic symptoms again. Do you know how hard it was to discuss these 'symptoms' I've been having the past week? But after many night laying in bed listening to people who were'nt really there talk...well I had to tell someone. Because it was freaking me out to the point where I wanted to fucking blow my brains out to have some peace and quiet. And baracading yourself in the basement to hide from 'those people' that are stalking you...well it isn't as much fun as you might think.

Does that scare you? Would you be afraid to have me in your home? Yes? Shun me, see if I care.