2-26-2002 | 4:13 a.m.

Wow, mega lack in updating. But I can explain really. No, I didn't go on some crazy drinking binge or run away or anything. Hey, there were forces keeping me away from Diaryland - really!

Drunken Neighbor Jeff, decided to totally redo my bathroom: new shower, sink, tiles, etc. In the process, he had to knock a wall down and rebuild it. Well, as you know, I have never seen Jeff NOT drinking. So, we had to have a bottle of JD and a bottle of Pepsi ready for him, because he can't work without it. Basically, he used this compound stuff on the wall and then sanded it - leaving tons of white dust all over the room I sleep in (and where my computer lives too.) He didn't tell me not to sleep in the room that night. So I did, and I inhaled lots of toxic dust and had to go to the ER because I couldn't breathe. Sucks, huh?

I had some weird breathing treatment and lots of IV fluids - because I was dehydrated also, my bad.

A week later, when I could actually breathe more freely, I had to clean and dust basically everything I own because of the contamination. Now, I know Jeff's intentions were good, but I was still kind of pissed off. Or maybe I should have known better than to stay in the room like that?

So....in the midst of all that crap, I had the appointment with my neurologist - who blamed the tremors on the Wellbutrin (a-ha, MD was wrong!) and said that I could also be in the early stages of a tremor disorder. Which means, what exactly - no clue. Maybe meds in the future if it gets worse.

I met with my MD again last week, and I am now tapering off the Wellbutrin and going back on Celexa next week. Let me tell you, getting off the Wellbutrin hasn't been easy. I feel all disoriented and spacey. No - I'm not always like that! And I can't remember what the Celexa was like or if it helped, so I'm nervous. Hopefully the tremors will start to lessen, because typing is even difficult. It takes me over an hour to complete one email. I keep hitting the wrong keys and have to retype everything. Plus, I can't attempt to regain my drivers license until I'm considered competent. And yeah, I'm sure the instructor wouldn't mind my shaking hands and death grip on the wheel.

So, I'm kind of in limbo right now. I wasn't able to take classes this semester either. And oh yeah, my blood sugar is still low and the MD is being all pissy about me eating more. But hey, at least I don't have a tumor. I just wish I could accomplish more. I feel like a spaz with the tremors and hate being around anyone. I look like I'm all strung out, between the shaking and the circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. But I'm here.

And.... Diary Survivor 3 is starting within the week. Which means I won't be writing much in my diary. You know, paranoia and the hate mail from the contest and everything. Being associated with such an event brings that out in me. More paranoia, yeah.

But I have net access again and will catch up on emails soon hopefully. To anyone who has written, don't feel offended - I didn't ignore your letters.

And it's weird, quite a few people are landing here from my yahoo profile and sending compliments about my picture. Which, awwww does make me smile - but no....I'm not cute! Thanks for the sweetness anyway.

So, follow the Diary Survivor contest. You can see me in all my smarmy goodness Hostess mode and the other judges are truly amazing. The contestants should be announced in the next few days. Just remember...I did NOT choose the contestants alone this time around. So, please if you didn't make it - don't blame me personally. Check out the judges page for voting procedure. Blame them instead, haha, joking really - I love the judges like crazy. Easy on the hate mail honey bunnies. It makes me all withdrawn here and bitchy as a hostess over there. So there! Post on the discussion board still - I'll be reading, but don't be concerned if my entries here aren't frequent.

I appreciate the support many of you have given me. Thanks so much. It means a lot.

Later cuties.