5-30-2003 | 2:23 a.m.

Okay, so here I am again. Lots o crap kept me away from this little net thing:

1. New computer, yay! Bad news: loan payments. Tech issues: I suck at this stuff. I lost all of my email addys, messages, etc., while trying to transfer all that crap to the new computer. Still trying to figure it all out. Be patient with me.

2. The Xanax threw me into a crazy depression. Hallucinations with high doses. Crazy feelings/ideas. So, I've been trying to wean myself off it. I have not been a fun person to be around. Right now, I'm down to between one and one and a half mg. a day.

3. I was sick as hell! Prior to my uncle's wedding at the end of April, I called my doc because I was losing my voice. This mattered because I actually had to stand up in front of about 150 people in a church (eek) and read some crazy ass bible verse. Scary. Doc called in a prescription for me. A few days later, I felt all dazed and drugged. I called my doc's office, only to be informed that he wasn't practicing anymore. Nice, huh. So I had to see the new doc there and after an hour exam, I was told that I'd been walking around with pneumonia for a few weeks. Plus I was having a bad reaction to the antibiotic I was on. Took me a while to function.

3. The internet started to freak me out again. You know how I am.

blah blah blah.

What got me back online? Well, upon discovering that a new Amazing Race was about to air, I just had to email my mad genius friend to share my excitement. Yes, I excite easily these days.

What's going on now? Trying to get out of a rut. Forcing myself to stick with the therapy sessions and the Wellbutrin. Driving lessons (still.) Being the nanny. Being my brother's girlfriend's (Not-sister-in-law) babysitter. Trying to stay sane, get off the Xanax and not drink. Deal with friends' issues. Take better care of my health. All that crap.

Can you believe Scott Weiland was busted with drugs again? Yeah, sure you can. That sucks. I created a nice STP/Scott Weiland mix cd (my favorites, not a standard "greatest hits") for my walk/jogs/traveling. Am I the only person that gives a shit about Scotty and enjoys his music still?

After receiving a smiley face from the sweet Eric, (thanks hon!) - I went on a hugging spree. Plus, I want to be all in share mode. So, if anyone actually wants a copy of the aforementioned STP/Weiland CD, send your name and mailing address to me at: cordeliameg@earthlink.net

Not expecting many takers, but hey the offer is there. I'm new to this cd creating deal, so don't expect amazing quality. If you want my crappy mix, make sure you send me your full/correct address, as there won't be a full return addy listed. And of course let me know when you get the cd and tell me whatcha think.

Also, my gregskitten@yahoo.com address is pretty screwed up, so if you'd like to say hi, give advice, send hate mail, etc., use the above earthlink email address. As usual, I'm slow in responding though.

Fun update, huh? I'll be trying (for my own good) to write here more often and spill all those feelings. This is just one of those "I'm back" type updates.

I'm sleepy and have too much to catch up on tomorrow. blah.