1-30-2002 | 10:05 p.m.

I went to the doctor, because my hands were shaking so badly most of the time and I kept dropping stuff. Like the other day when I tried to put a CD in my Discman, fumbled with the buttons and dropped it. It’s completely broken, but oh well – I’ll just borrow one from my brother or sister for those train rides. If you have headphones on no one really tries to start up a conversation. And the only thing I hate more that strangers talking to me on the train is – a stranger plopping down beside me, opening up a brown bag, and begins eating something nasty and smelly like a bologna sandwich.

Well anyway, it doesn’t matter what I pick up – like a plate or something – the object will start to shake and then anyone within watching distance raises an eyebrow and says, "Why are your hands shaking?" And the last thing I need right now is paranoia about people thinking/and suspecting me of drinking or being strung out on whatever substance their minds imagine. So this shaky hand thing has been going on since well before X-Mas, maybe late November. And it’s annoying so I figured I’d make an appointment with my MD.

Okay, so I’m in the examining room explaining what’s going on. Doc asks me to put my arms out, but instead of asking; he enacts it and nods at me. Simon sez? He looks at my hands and rushes me into the next room to have some blood drawn. He wanted to rule out the possibility of a thyroid disorder, however, he told me that I must go to the neurologist (the one I saw after my last concussion) within the week: "Call and make an appointment as soon as you get home?" Did I call? Of course not! You should know me better, I wanted to find out the results of the blood tests first. I also asked him if he thought the meds were causing the shaking and he said – "No." So there goes my theory.

Hey, this entry is getting long – don’t you hate when I ramble? So, the nurse from my MD’s office calls me and lets me know that I do not have a thyroid problem, but that I am hypoglycemic. Yeah, whatever, not a serious thing. I ask her why and she says, "You’re not eating enough!" Huh, do you have me under surveillance or something? She’s right, but this is not a ‘food issue’ deal – I’m just not hungry much anymore. And when I am, I spend about 20 minutes deciding what I should eat, and by that time I might just give up and not eat. Moving on..doc gets on the phone and tells me that although low blood sugar can cause shakiness, he does not believe it’s causing the ‘tremors’ and he asks: "Did you make an appointment with the neurologist yet?" Busted. So I get scolded and am told that I’ve waited long enough and "...this requires serious attention." And I’m all whiny and like, "Awww do I really have to?" – because I’m stubborn like that. But the MD wins this round and I call the neurologist’s office. But not before Doc says, "...Food! You better start eating more."

So..the receptionist asks for my name and SS #. I oblige and after finding my info she says, in a rather rude tone by the way, "Well, you haven’t been here in 2 years." Huh? Does everyone go to a neurologist on a regular basis? She tells me that Dr. ‘----‘ will be out of town for 3 weeks and doesn’t have any appointments available until March. Then I am told to call my MD and have him call Neuro Guy and they can discuss the problems. So…not even a half hour later I get a call from the MD’s office stating that Doc had a talk with Neuro Guy and that I must be seen – like in the next week. So, I’m getting all nervous because the neurologist is now rearranging his schedule so he can see me before he takes leave next week. The nurse said that if need be, the ultra suave neurologist will go to the office for a few hours just to see me. I’m so special! What the hell could be wrong with me? If my MD was overreacting and Neuro Guy goes through all this trouble for something lame, I will me really pissed. But then I don’t want some serious brain ailment. But really, what kind of neurological disorder causes tremors like that?

In the mean time, Doc gave me a prescription for Toprol. It’s a beta-blocker that is supposed to decrease the tremors. Anyone know anything about that med? So I am supposed to take those pills until I see the neurologist. In conclusion, if you are still with me, I want to call both doctors’ offices and tell them to forget the whole thing. I’m sure everything is fine – I don’t know why they’re making such a big deal out of this. I will continue to believe that until I am told elsewise. And yeah, I’m getting annoyed by all the attention. Hey, did I mention that my neurologist is some guy who used to be on TV, Sean Kenniff? Yeah, I wish! But my real neurologist is kind of cute too.