6-23-2001 | 1:17 p.m.

I had some fun with my dland profile. I crack myself up sometimes.

The other day I had this sharp pain under my ribs. The kind of pain that makes you fall to your knees. So I spent the entire day applying pressure to the area, which I suppose looked really strange. It was the only way I could get a handle on the pain. Stuff like that always happens when you stop drinking. All of a sudden the damage becomes clear, since when you're drunk all the time you can't feel. And when you ignore doctors' orders, well it seems wrong to go back now. I did this to myself. I don't really deserve medical attention. Like those aging rockstars that need liver transplants after years of heavy drinking and drug use. And they get put at the top of the transplant list when they really don't deserve it. Meanwhile someone who is sick, not of their own fault, waits and waits and waits while Mr. Rockstar gets a new liver. Yeah, something like that. Uh-oh, I'm not making sense again am I?

I've had a few strange comments directed at me this week:

Drunken neighbor Jeff showed up last night. This guy drives a golfcart around the neighborhood because he thinks it's safer than a car when he's drunk. What a moron. He kept bugging everyone. "Come for a ride with me. Please. Cmon." Of course I was sacrificed to keep my other siblings safe. Evil Stepdad: "Meg will go with you." Thanks a lot man. Drunken neighbor has a cup holder in the golfcart for his JD & coke. We leave and he says, "I'm going to show you the most amazing thing you'll ever see, in your entire life."

In turn I respond with, "You touch me, you die."

He feigned shock. Like he would never do such a thing. And drives to this little meadow a few miles from here and stops the golfcart. I look around and he exclaims, "Isn't this fuckin' amazing."

I look around. Hmm...grass, trees, flowers. "Not really. What exactly is it I'm supposed to see?"

Then drunken neighbor Jeff fell off the golfcart. So, I had to push him back in and drive him back to his house. What an ass.

I'm hangin with Ryan tonight. Only because the alternative is my Mom's friend dragging me to a bar to find "cute guys" - ack. Ryan is a bit too straight laced for my taste. But he doesn't try to force himself on me. We went to see "Tomb Raider" last Saturday night. All the other movies seemed lame. But Angelina Jolie kicked some ass. Not a movie I would have chosen to see, but it was watchable. I think we're renting DVD's and going to his house. If I don't call with a lame excuse for bailing at the last minute. I don't know. I keep getting this 'jumping out of my skin' feeling when trying to socialize. Probably because I'm sober. Well besides the Xanax, but last night I had 8 whole hours of sleep! Thank you Xanax.

Final note: I bought the new Stone Temple Pilots CD - "Shangri-La Dee Da" Wednesday night. I keep playing it over and over. Scott Weiland's voice is so soothing. Much better than "No. 4", more the style of "Songs from the Vatican Gift Shop". Worth the $18 definitely. If anyone wants a more thorough review let me know. hee.