2-16-2001 | 6:00PM

I just got home from my state demanded psychiatric evaluation. The Dr. was actually pretty cool. He made idle chit chat about movies and recommended I rent "Gladiator". He also said, "You need to be on a mood stabilizer, like Depakote, instead of the Doxepin." He believes I have Bipolar(I) not Borderline Personality Disorder. Make up your minds people! I think the session went well, which means I'm not in danger of being sent away.

Why did I have to have the evaluation? Ever since the ummmmm 'borrowed' Valium - mixed with vodka - leading to mega overdose sitch, I've been court ordered to these evaluations. I could have gone to jail, so I guess I'm lucky to get off with therapy/meds/occasional testing. But am I grateful? Hello no. Just pissed. But now that I'm labeled 'mentally disabled' (beautiful huh?) I receive $ from the government plus state aid for school (when I get around to re-registering again.)

But I do not appreciate being labeled mentally ill and I'm wondering if it could hurt my future career of choice - psychiatric nurse or tech or something like that. So yes, I screwed up - but do I deserve the psych record with all the gory details? Probably, but..oh well.

You need to go to Napster (while it's alive still) and download "Pride" by Hinge. My friend is the lead singer. And while you're there download "Get It" by Thin Lizard Dawn. I doubt you've heard of either band. But do it! And then leave me a message (Analyzer, g-book, wherever) letting me know what you think. Okay? Think of it as homework.

Now I must find something to eat. I'm thinking of hangin' with Scott tonight and drinking and yes I will have a great time and not feel guilty. Bitchy mother be damned. Stomach be damned. Plus the meds mixed with liquor will create a nice little high. yeah baby.