8-18-2002 | 2:01 a.m.

So yes, I did get real paranoid, but I'm over it. People think it's funny when I get like that, I think. Sure, it's funny now. Not when you're shutting all the blinds and checking to make sure the doors are locked every five minutes.

My Mom and Step-Dad are on a cruise for their 15th anniversary. I, on the other hand, am in charge of my younger sister and brother for 5 days. You can imagine how much fun this is. I only 'cook' two meals - pizza bagels and macaroni with stewed tomatoes. Lots of take-out and microwaveable meals.

Anyone else catch that show Monk on the USA channel? He's an obsessive compulsive detective. Watched it tonight, hysterical! My brother said that I act like Monk. Yeah, go me. I am the worst 'baby-sitter' though. I let them stay up as late as they want and if they so something wrong, I yell a little, then start to laugh. Because I never yell, so it feels too weird. Then we're all laughing.

My body is completely free of anti-depressants. Whoooooooo. Now if I could kick the Xanax. I hate that so-called 'addict' behavior. Every month when I call the doc's office for a refill, I get all nervous. Like he's going to deny me the pills. It's like I feel like I'm getting away with something. I only take it at night, to help me sleep now, and only 3 mg. Hey, on the bottle it says - "Take 1 pill, 3 times a day. Max. daily dosage=3 mg." So, I just take them all at once. Could be a lot worse.

Plans for the Fall? Not a clue yet. I filled out paperwork for the semester for school, but haven't made an appointment with my adviser yet. Hopefully I will be out of here. blah blah blah.

Anyway, applications for Diary Survivor 4 are being accepted. So go over there for the info - and try out. Cmon, you know you want to.

Which brings me to....a few final notes (for now, well then are they really final?)on Diary Survivor 3:
- Contest winner TvZero kicks ass for donating the prize money to LadeeLeroy's brother Alex.

- It sucked when everyone wanted to quit the contest.

- Mattu really is a fun guy. For real! Sure, he got stressed out during the contest sometimes (well...before every IC and TC) but outside of the game he is absolutely amazing. So there.

- The booting of AlltheRage made me cry.

- All the name calling and judges/contestant tension was very amusing. I like drama.

- The contest would not have even taken place without the assistance of Telutci. Thanks hon.

- I am still waiting for Pischina to adopt me. Or K-Lo.

- I wanted to spank the contestants that voted Malkavia off first. It was like the Tobias incident from DS2 all over again. Meanies.

- I liked when some of the contestants flirted with me on AIM. Meow.

- The alliance thing didn't bother me. I supported it, however, I did try to help the non-alliance members - truth be told. No, I didn't rig ANY portions of the contest, but I did try to advise/console troubled people. Sue me.

- Contestants: some made me laugh, some made me cry, some pissed me off/got me frustrated at times. Still, you were all amazing, intriguing writers. Lots of talent in that bunch. Now let's stage a reunion so we can all get drunk together and reminisce.

- If I didn't mention you personally, I still love you anyway. I'm a bit hazy here and this recap/final thoughts is getting way too long. I hope you’ll all join DS4 as judges.

So....I'll be updating my diary again, as much as I feel comfortable with. Small steps. Thanks for listening to all this. Note: I posted a link for (left side menu) and updated my d-land profile with my diary reads and stuff. I axed the blog, since I rarely posted there anyway.