9-10-2002 | 1:21 a.m.

I’m writing this now, because on Wednesday I will not turn the TV on or log online or listen to the radio. I won’t accept telephone calls or answer questions. And if that sounds rude than I’m sorry. I refuse to relive that day, or talk/write about it. Instead, I will spend the day alone. Go for my usual 4 mile walk. Sit outside and read. Something.

I can’t explain to you how it feels; being a New Yorker all my life and how that day affected me. Instead, I can reflect a bit on the memories prior to that September day, 2001.

Summer 2001: I was dating Billy, the firefighter. He invited me on the annual ‘party cruise’ into the city. It was August and cold out on the water. We drank, laughed, listened to stories from the ‘old timers.’ We sat outside on the deck, me wrapped in Billy’s leather jacket – looking out on the skyline. Sitting on Billy’s lap, my hair kept whipping him in the face. We both laughed and he gathered my hair into a mock ponytail and shoved it into the jacket collar. As the lighted buildings came into view, Tom (one of our closest friends from high school) pointed at the Trade Center buildings. "Meg, remember when you worked* there? And I picked you up every day, because you couldn’t drive?" I smiled. "Yes, you saved me from the smelly train. Thank you." Billy wrapped his arms around me. "Oh yeah, that was your city chic phase?" I playfully smacked his hand. "Hey, my boss forced me to transfer down there. I had to dress the part." We fell silent and just took in the city; the occasional mist of water making me shiver. Until the boat turned around, then we went to get more drinks.

* The travel agency I worked for a few years ago, opened a kiosk in the WTC lobby. My boss wanted me working there, because she thought I’d draw in more potential clients than some of the other women in the office. Yes, she was pretty vain. Later I learned that she also felt that my ‘people skills’ were far superior to most of the ‘snobs’ at the agency. And sure, it felt rewarding to be the first agent to receive flowers from a client after a well planned Caribbean cruise. Hell, you know I was inwardly gloating. Only because I took the time to listen to the clients – to go over the little details that the other agents didn’t have "time to bother with."

I was nervous at first, but later learned to love the location. My boss took us to the Windows on the World restaurant a few times. Each time, while waiting for our food, I’d get up and walk to the wide panes of glass – pressing my face against the coolness and looking out on the city. Then I’d look down, get dizzy and return to my seat. Once, I felt someone next to me and to my surprise, my usually cranky boss was standing beside me – admiring the view. You could see everything from that spot. The overwhelming feeling of awe at the beauty of the city never ceased. I remember the elevator rides; how my stomach dropped on the way down. Sometimes we’d ride the elevators on breaks, just for fun. Silly girls.

Walking the streets of the city, those buildings always towered over us. Opened in 1973, I had never seen the city without them. I’ll always cherish the time I spent there. The morning rush. The sounds. The atmosphere. The beauty. The memories – both deliriously fun and stressful. The people.

That’s how I want to remember it. Those 2 buildings will always be there in my mind. I don’t want to see any more images of their destruction. I won’t. If this seems corny – oh well. I just had to get these feelings written down.