12-03-2002 | 8:15 p.m.

I had to share this. Somehow my sister convinced me to be a chaperone for a school trip on Thursday. Sure, sitting on a bus with 40 screaming 10 year olds will be annoying. How bad could it possibly be?

This afternoon my sister hands me a green packet. "This is from my teacher." The teacher had written on a yellow post-it, "Meg. The museum sent this to me to give to the chaperones. Please read it before the trip. Thanks." And she drew a smiley face! I kid you not.

The packet is entitled "Chaperone's Handbook." Inside, "Do's and Don'ts for Chaperones" I won't list them all, since there's like 20, but check this out:

- Please DO stay with your group at all times, following at the end to help keep the students together. Your assistance with traffic control is appreciated!
- Please DO assist in opening and closing doors when asked.
- Please DON'T talk during the introduction or tour. We know chaperones often aren't aware that their conversations can be distracting. Remember, the museum teacher has only a short time to build rapport and communicate important concepts. Please become our partners in this endeavor!
- Please DON'T answer questions we pose to the students. (We know it's easy to get carried away!!!) We know YOU know the answer, but we want the students to practice critical thinking skills.
- Please do take responsibility for dealing with discourteous and disruptive behavior. The museum teacher expects your support in controlling noisy or unruly individuals who compromise the quality of the program for other students or the safety of our open collections.

If I do not follow the rules will I be banned from future field trips? What happened to sitting next to the bus sick kid? This is way too much responsibility for me. Does the packet seem out of control or what? Hey, other people that chaperone school trips, do you get stuff like that too?

Did I mention that I'm on Wellbutrin again? I'm extra super hyper which mimics mania. Just so you know. I think it's important to break out the anti-depressants during the holiday months.

I also got an angry letter from the President of the Onion Lovers Of America. I'm Irish. Don't mess with my potatoes! I'm prepared to break my vow of silence on this one buddy.