2-16-2001 | 1:45AM

Did you watch tonight? Jeff Probst is getting smarmier! At the Tribal Council he was like, "So" (the other team) "is kicking your ass." And during the Immunity Challenge he said to one contestant, "If you get this wrong you'll feel real bad - since you haven't answered one question correctly yet.." Man, he has nerve. Branden, I want to be just like Jeff Probst when I grow up!

So...remember Scott? The guy I used to get drunk with almost every night. Well, I've been avoiding his calls and e-mails. A few nights ago I see his name on AIM. There was an 'away' message, so being curious I checked it out. Said something like, "Finishing the night's booze on my balcony. Maybe I'll learn how to fly tonight..." Melodrama much? So I sent a message, "Take it easy there..." He must have really been by the computer instead of 'on the balcony' because he messaged me back right away. He has his own apartment now and he's been trying to reach me like crazy and blah blah blah. Anyway, he wants me to see his place and hang out.

I log off and go see my Mom. I say all casually, "Yeah..I might hang out with Scott tomorrow night..." She jumps off the couch and screams. "You're going to get drunk! I know it! You better not go. He's trouble. I'll kick you out if you drink. I swear!" I'm standing there in shock. So nice of her to accuse me before I've even done anything. Like Scott used to force me to drink or something. She just wants to put the blame on someone else.

Hey, I'm over 18. Hell 21+ even. And I've been 'behaving' and playing the role of mother to my younger siblings. I clean the house everyday. And I haven't drank in months. I think I've proven myself. I can't even leave the house without explaining to my Mom where I'm going/with who/when I'll be home/etc. and waiting for her to approve of my plans. What's next, nightly breathalyzer tests? So...do I hang out with Scott and risk being kicked out? Do I care if she kicks me out? Will I drink with Scott? Probably. Not too much though. I don't know. I'm fed up. I have to get out of here. Scott was all, "I'm so lonely in this apartment alone. Move in!" - scary thought.

My brain is getting mushy. Must attempt sleep. I have an appointment for psychological testing tomorrow. Not looking forward to it.