10-10-2001 | 2:57 a.m.

Too many paranoid people. My Mom is still freaking out and thinks we're all going to die. She thinks there's something wrong with me because I'm not scared. Michelle keeps calling telling me that she's never leaving the house again. Why am I so calm? Hey, there's nothing I can do about bio-terrorism. If I'm going to die, so be it.

Or maybe it's the Xanax. Good ole Doc increased my dosage again. It's weird. I feel calm and yet my hands are always shaking. Or maybe it's depression. Doc wants to see me again next month to possibly adjust the Welbutrin dosage. I don't know what I'm feeling, because the Xanax makes me feel all free and floaty and stuff. Floaty? Hmmm. I have no clue what that means. But then my mood drops and I feel like I have no future. And everything looks distorted. What do you think? Cmon post on the board. Depression? Psychosis? Bi-polar? Fun with Xanax? I'm all over the place.

I can't stand to even watch the news anymore. I won't go into this, because it'll be an endless rant, but I start to dislike George Dubya more and more every day. I like Tony Blair, he's the man. I want to move to England.

There is something I'm psyched for. I planned to get tickets for a concert, well long before all this crap. And I did get them and I'm going. Family Values Tour. And do you know why I'm so psyched? Stone Temple Pilots! I never had a chance to see them in concert. I just hope Scott Weiland takes off his shirt. Oh, and Linkin Park will be there too. And I will admit, I really do love them. The only sucky part will be Staind. Bleh, they are so boring. I'll go do some drugs in the bathroom during their set. Just kidding. But Staind suck. Of course Mom is freaked about me going. "What if they bomb the place?!" She's really starting to piss me off. I'm not letting anyone ruin this for me. It's been so long since I've had something to look forward to.

I'm somehow doing well in school. A's on my first two EN102 papers. My Sociology professor says I'm doing 'excellent' - I guess that's okay. I'm not even trying, just writing a bunch of crap. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up. Plus, I have to help my sister with her homework every night because Mom is glued to CNN all night. I wanted to smack her today. I hate feeling that way. Last night she said, "Everyone should be afraid! If you're not then something's wrong with you." So I guess there's something wrong with me. No, really?