1-25-2002 | 2:53 a.m.

So, I've been having these tremors. My hands are constantly shaking and my head nods uncontrollable sometimes. I went to the MD today, because those around me are starting to notice how my hands start to tremble whenever I hold anything. And I'm getting strange and questioning looks. Hopefully they don't think this is drug related.

So, doc says that it could be the medication (Wellbutrin more likely.) However, he's more concerned that it's a neurological problem - since I've been dealing with migraines at least twice a week for the last month. I've also suffered at least 3 concussions in the past 2 years.

It could also be hyperthyroidism, which could be tied into my rapid weight loss. Or a tumor, I can't believe he actually threw that idea out there. Or some other brain disease.

I had blood drawn today - which could provide answers/diagnosis possibly. If the tests aren't conclusive/or regardless, I'll be sent for an MRI. And of course, my medication levels will be checked and possibly the dosages will be adjusted.

So, I'm getting kind of nervous. And I'm wondering if this is related to my long term use (and sometimes abuse) of Xanax. And the thought of giving it up is scary. I really can't sleep without it.

I've waited months to actually discuss this with my doctor. Partly out of fear - mostly of being denied my Xanax. However, the net research I've been spending the past few hours on notes that benzodiazepines often ease the severity of tremors. But then rxlist.com lists tremors as one of the possible side effects of Xanax.

But yeah it's embarrassing to do simple things like put batteries in my camera and almost drop the damn thing because my hands are shaking so much.

Not too scared though, I will continue to believe it's nothing until proven otherwise.

And to whine a little more, the doc also prescribed 2 weeks of antibiotics because I have a pretty nasty sinus infection. I'm such a mess.